Isn't Botox one of those things that once you start, you have to keep doing it? Even if it isn't, who wants to run the risk of ending up looking like Lauren Sanchez?
I want to validate for this questioner that I find it so boring and demoralizing to be in conversations with women where all they do is lament their perceived flaws. I don't want to hear about your latest diet. I don't want to hear about your latest surgical procedure. If that is all someone has to talk about, I don't really want to hang out with them. I would rather spend time with people who are thinking and talking about interesting things. It sounds like these are old friends and it's possible that as you've aged, your interests have diverged. Are they open to redirection if you try to change the subject? If not, maybe you want to limit the time you spend with them.
Since my late thirties, I have quietly distanced myself from a few friends who only seem to be interested in the project of shrinking their bodies and hiding their aging, and to me it signals that we don't share the same values or interests. I also get really tired of reassuring women all the time that they look fine. I'm a therapist and do that professionally, so it makes me feel like I'm working if I'm spending every lunch date constantly reassuring someone about their insecurities. Rather than trying to fit in with your old friends by injecting literal poison into your face to paralyze it (Botox is bocculism, it works by paralyzing your forehead so you can't make full facial expressions, thereby smoothing your wrinkles), maybe it's time to find some new friends? People who want to talk about travel, or books, or interior design, or really ANYTHING else besides their appearance. Sadly this can be hard to find because so many women are wrapped up in the social pressure to focus on their appearance to the exclusion of all else, but interesting women are out there, and we're much more fun to be around. 😉
who knew Dorian Gray had so many layers. I DNFed that book so many times because I couldn’t get through those pages where Basil and the other man discussing what it means to be extraordinary and what is the meaning of life.
I am on the same boat with you regarding your fears with Botox. I don’t want to have the same face as Donatella Versace. But like your mother, I do feel more comfortable with how I looked know compared to when I was younger. I look like a person who takes care of herself. I love it.
Such a nuanced advice, Emma. As usual I love reading your posts. And what a wonderful question I rarely read in advice columns!
I'm so glad I'm past all this - worry about appearance I mean. Fortunately I was never beautiful, so nothing to hold on to, but the idea of injecting poison to fill wrinkles - no. I'm also lucky that none of my women friends have ever been remotely worried about their appearance - although I do remember some colleagues encouraging me to wear make-up more often around 20 years ago!
I have only one comment to make as a guy. I see so many women who I think could definitely benefit from breast reductions. Making their lives so much easier. And now I will 🤐
Isn't Botox one of those things that once you start, you have to keep doing it? Even if it isn't, who wants to run the risk of ending up looking like Lauren Sanchez?
Truly the stuff of nightmares. I always think of the face-stretching scene from the Terry Gilliam film Brazil when I see photos of her.
Thank you for linking to my post!
I want to validate for this questioner that I find it so boring and demoralizing to be in conversations with women where all they do is lament their perceived flaws. I don't want to hear about your latest diet. I don't want to hear about your latest surgical procedure. If that is all someone has to talk about, I don't really want to hang out with them. I would rather spend time with people who are thinking and talking about interesting things. It sounds like these are old friends and it's possible that as you've aged, your interests have diverged. Are they open to redirection if you try to change the subject? If not, maybe you want to limit the time you spend with them.
Since my late thirties, I have quietly distanced myself from a few friends who only seem to be interested in the project of shrinking their bodies and hiding their aging, and to me it signals that we don't share the same values or interests. I also get really tired of reassuring women all the time that they look fine. I'm a therapist and do that professionally, so it makes me feel like I'm working if I'm spending every lunch date constantly reassuring someone about their insecurities. Rather than trying to fit in with your old friends by injecting literal poison into your face to paralyze it (Botox is bocculism, it works by paralyzing your forehead so you can't make full facial expressions, thereby smoothing your wrinkles), maybe it's time to find some new friends? People who want to talk about travel, or books, or interior design, or really ANYTHING else besides their appearance. Sadly this can be hard to find because so many women are wrapped up in the social pressure to focus on their appearance to the exclusion of all else, but interesting women are out there, and we're much more fun to be around. 😉
who knew Dorian Gray had so many layers. I DNFed that book so many times because I couldn’t get through those pages where Basil and the other man discussing what it means to be extraordinary and what is the meaning of life.
I am on the same boat with you regarding your fears with Botox. I don’t want to have the same face as Donatella Versace. But like your mother, I do feel more comfortable with how I looked know compared to when I was younger. I look like a person who takes care of herself. I love it.
Such a nuanced advice, Emma. As usual I love reading your posts. And what a wonderful question I rarely read in advice columns!
I'm so glad I'm past all this - worry about appearance I mean. Fortunately I was never beautiful, so nothing to hold on to, but the idea of injecting poison to fill wrinkles - no. I'm also lucky that none of my women friends have ever been remotely worried about their appearance - although I do remember some colleagues encouraging me to wear make-up more often around 20 years ago!
Definitely not!!!
I have only one comment to make as a guy. I see so many women who I think could definitely benefit from breast reductions. Making their lives so much easier. And now I will 🤐